I’m a very plus size girl. I’m also getting to a point were I’m now killing myself with how ‘plus size’ I am. This blog post is going to be brutally honest about my feelings towards It and my plans for the future.
I’m at the stage in my life were things are changing, my life is becoming more active and I’m starting to plan for the future. I’m going to be honest and say I find most days a struggle. Even working is now becoming so tiring i need to lie on my bed when i get home. I’m not sure how many calories I intake in a day just purely because I’m scared to count them to be honest. Every time I go on a diet I do a normal calorie intake and its scary, very scary. But yet still somehow after a few weeks I’m back onto eating like it even though i know its slowly killing me. Ill be honest I’ve had a few scares in my life were i thought i was having a heart attack, were i thought i was nearly dying. I’ve even had a doctor turn around to me and say your going to die very soon if you don’t change your eating habits, yet i still carried on. Letting my family and people that care about me watch me self destruct everyday.
It’s difficult planning a future with someone when your not sure if your going to be alive at that point in your life. I know that the possibility’s of me trying to start a family and it failing because of my situation is very likely and that breaks my heart that i can also put that onto my partner by that happening. I’ve had my partner many times tell me that hes scared hes going to loose me one day because of what I’m doing, I get better for a few days and then I’m straight back on it. My partner and me have started going on walks because hes helping me get more active and i struggle a lot. Its very difficult to keep up and keep going when you’ve been walking for 10 mins and your exhausted, but the feeling at the end of it is amazing and you feel so much more accomplished with yourself. His family is climbing a mountain in April and iv’e been asked if i want to go. My family doesn’t believe i can do it and my friends don’t because they think it will kill me. They are probably right but I’m going to try and get myself at the best fitness i can before then so i can give it a good try!
When I was younger I never thought of how much being overweight would affect me, and that’s something that i will really hit my children with because I never want my kids to suffer the way I have. I’ve always said I didn’t want to loose weight because of the way my tummy will go but at the end of the day its better to have a loose horrible looking tummy than not be able to grow old with my partner and best friend. I get out of bed in the morning and i move like I’m 60 years old! Sometimes my mum moves better with me and shes over 40 years older than me. I go to concerts and go out for the day shopping and half way through i just want to sit down because I’m so exhausted from it that i need a break, I can never keep up with my friends or family because most of them are the right weight and move faster than me. Which sucks because I’m always the one that’s left at the back.
I made this blog as something for me and other people to look at when they remember why there putting in all this effort to loose weight. This is what you can become. I love my life and I want to be around as long as possible. I don’t want my partner and family having to bury me in a grave because i cant put down a chocolate bar.
I’m going to post updates about my weight loss and goals as a weekly update to hope that it can encourage me to become the person i want to be and interest people in helping them find different work outs and food ideas!